I’ve been going to the doctor a lot lately. I may have hinted this a few posts ago, but I found out recently that something actually quite wrong with me. My doctor ordered some blood tests because I was experiencing some symptoms that he didn’t like. One of those tests was an ANA Test or Antineuclear Antibody Test. Basically, the test screens for autoimmune disorders. My blood test results came back and my doctors were not very pleased. In fact, they sent me to a rheumatologist pretty much right away.

I was convinced that I just had a low immune system. You know, the most basic thing that could be wrong with me. I’d just walk around with a weak immune system getting sick sometimes. Plenty of people walk around like that and never know they have weak immune systems (besides the fact that they get sick a lot) because they never get a silly blood test like this and they live perfectly fine lives.

Then I heard the one sentence I didn’t want to hear.
“You have Lupus.”

Yesterday, I had such a horrible ear ache at work that I could barely walk in a straight line! It was interfering so much with my balance that I was just unable to perform the tasks that I needed in my workday. I tried desperately to make it through the day but the longer I waited, the worse it got. I waited so long that by the time I asked to go home early, I had to ask Josh to come pick me up because I couldn’t even drive. I fell asleep in the car in the parking lot waiting for him and my mother to come and get me and take my car back.

I always feel so helpless when I have to do things I like that. I found myself in the nurse’s office calling home from the little phone in there. Whenever I feel sick I feel so vulnerable like a small child. Why is that? Working in a school and sitting in a nurse’s office around other children probably didn’t help much either.

I hate feeling vulnerable. I am the type of person who always needs to feel like I’m in control of everything and when I am sick I just don’t feel that way. I know a lot of people who enjoy the time off and like that people cater to them when they are ill (though obviously they don’t enjoy being sick).

When was the last time you felt vulnerable? What are your thoughts about feeling that way?

I still have this wicked, horrible sinus infection. I wish it would go away and leave me alone. At least it’s getting better. Work was pretty normal. I think the kids could tell that I wasn’t feeling well by my random coughing fits. I got to teach math today and it was one of my favorite topics – graphing! It was fun and the day flew by even though I wasn’t feeling well.

A drawing for Josh. (by caitysparkles)

I drew a picture for Josh today because I am a huge dork. Do you like it? I’m not the best artist in the world but I had to stick with it… get it (haha)? I wanted to put a quote on it but I couldn’t think of a good enough quote. What quote would you put on my picture?

I ruined my solid blogging fest since I reopened this place. I blogged every day since I reopened until I stopped for a couple days. I will have to try again next month to reach my goal of blogging each day for an entire month.

I do have reasons, though, aside from laziness. My grandfather has been in the hospital and is not doing well. He has an infection in his blood and I have been quite worried about him. I have been on and off the phone with my mother who has been in contact with the North Carolina crew who have kept us all posted on his situation. He is doing a bit better now that they know what is wrong.

I also had my hives come back. They are worse than ever. This time they were all over my body, even my neck and face. I felt like a hideous monster. I ended up finally caving to the idea that they are not stress related and going to see an allergist yesterday. Something is up with this. They’re not there all the time and something must be causing it. I had to figure out what. I didn’t want to have hives all over my body if there was something I could do to stop them.

The allergist told me that it was not something that I was doing and it was not an allergic reaction on the outside of any type given the circumstances. It was definitely something on the inside – something with my immune system having to do with my system. Not what I wanted to hear… that I’m somehow sick and have some sort of disease maybe? He told me I had to get bloodwork and we would go from there but not to worry too much because he sees it a lot and it could be nothing serous. (To me, all I heard was “It could be something serious.”)

This morning, a pattern finally dawned on me as far as my hives are concerned. I am not keeping my hopes up but I am definitely going to talk to my doctor about it. I had my monthly visitor and realized the hives appear every time alongside of it. Oh… there’s a thing for that and I fit the bill. Could it be? Could I have finally figured it out? I’m going to get my bloodwork done but I’m also going to call my doctor and see what he thinks about my thoughts. I just want to stamp a diagnosis on this damn thing so I can finally feel better and maybe start treating it.

Today was awful. I had an allergic reaction of some sort and broke out in hives all over. I had hives all over my body (thankfully not my face and neck, though). Of course it’s a day I chose to wear a short sleeve shirt. Always my luck.

As far as I know, I’m not allergic to anything. I guess that doesn’t hold true anymore. This has happened a number of times in the past year so I guess I’ve developed an allergy to something. My friends were kinds enough to drive me around looking for Benadryl, the lovely little allergy pill, on their lunch break today. I was very appreciative.

The Benadryl helped a little bit and got me through the workday, but it made me extremely tired and I ended up taking a 2-hour nap when I got home from work. I’m still exhausted, though, and I’m sure I’ll sleep through the night. I’m just absolutely beat. I’ve had the worst luck health-wise over the past year and a half.

I think I’ll call the allergist tomorrow. I think the reason I’ve been putting it off is because I am scared he’s going to tell me I’m allergic to something I love. Like bananas. Or chick peas. Or my cat. Nobody wants to hear that. However, I’m done with this. Allergic reactions are scary and when I had trouble breathing today before I got my double dose of Benadryl, I realized I was done fooling around.

The beast sleeps. (by caitysparkles)

Just cross your fingers I’m not allergic to my cat.
I mean… come on… who can resist those cuddles?